Most of the time I am slow, I think. Not in a way that suggests daftness, although truth be told there are such moments, but in that other way whereby one seems to process information slowly, in tiny little bits. At first many things seemed blurred to me. Or I tend to be ‘lost’. The truth however is that usually, the whole picture has not yet shaped up.
Early on in life, I missed the opportunity to go to nursery school, so I went straight to stardard 1. There is a long story associated with this, I may have mentioned before but for everybody else’s benefit, there were no nursery schools closeby home. And my mother did not fancy her little girl walking far distances just to attend nursery school.
But other children went, to nursery that is. So when I started school, I was ever the lost child. I recall to this date, the girl I deemed cleverest, how she use to ‘mouth’ exactly what the teacher would be saying. I remember wanting to be just like her! But lost I was!
When the first term ended, we had the whole school assembled in the hall, and the head teacher calling out the names of the top kids in each class. And my name was called out. Then, I was a tiny girl, and most kids could not see me when I was called out to stand. There are 2 reasons why I recall that day. The first being that the headmaster had to lift me up so the whole school could see me. The second reason why the day remains memorable is that at first I had been very disappointed with my performance. I ranked second and that to me was so bad, compared to my buddy who had ranked 10. The reasoning behind that being that 10 is so much more than 2 
. I told you I can be daft!
The strange bit is that I never seem to improve, even with the passage of time. 
After much suffering though, I will finally snap out of the darkness and it always come as quite a surprise for me. Kinda like, ” Aha, so this is what it was? oooookaaaay!”
Story number 2.
As with many parents, rivalry within children is hearbreaking to deal with. For months and months, I watched as Lau (now 10) harassed her sister Mish (now 7). Lau is the ultimate boss of the kids at our home. Yet she can be very sweet to her little brother and sis. But in the absence of Denzel and I, she becomes the ultimate authoritarian. Sometimes it worries me. Once Mish and Alex claimed that while they were walking home from school, Lau proceeded to hold each of their hand so tightly that their wrists hurt! The fact is, she had no business holding their hand as each of them can comfortably walk by themselves. As it were, I never hold any of their hands when walking with them. When confronted, Lau defended herself by saying that they were walking too slow and she wanted them to hurry up. The verdict we passed is, ‘Lau, next time just walk on and leave them behind’ , because they can each walk home by themselves and Switzerland is sofar the safest place to raise a child!
Obviously, Lau has some unresolved issues. Hopefully we will be able to help resolve.
But one day, after much suffering, Mish snapped. Not in the manner of one going ballistic and throwing stuff while yelling. No. It was like it dawned on her that she does not have to live under Lau’s overbearing nature. She seemed to glow with freedom. She began to make her own decisions and to chose her own friends and basically live her life, completely undetered. I immediately noticed the new Mish, because it was only then that her personality seemed to come through. Now Mish is unstoppable and she lives her life as though she’s got wings to fly.
Like Mish, I tend to go through moments of ‘darkness’ or daftness whereby I am not sure what/how to handle certain situations. This is particularly true for me in a new job situation. I can tell you I have laboured in my current job. There has been so many bits and pieces to fit into a whole that for a long time, I seemed completely lost. And even when my collegues would be nice enough and offer encouraging remarks about my progress, I knew I was not there yet.
But. I just snapped out of darkness! I know it because I know that feeling.
